I've never felt so needy! When I first got sick I wanted Rachel around all the time. She was so great. She cooked me breakfast, got me tea late at night, and comforted me whenever needed. I can't believe how amazing she was. I felt so cared for! She even cleaned my room and did my laundry, something I usually don't even do when I'm well. I was surprised by how much better I felt laying sick but in a clean room.
Its amazing how strong I think I am until I am sick. I always feel unconquerable until I am in pain then suddenly I understand just how vincible I am. My father has often told me this. He knows from experience
But somehow I forget until it happens again.
I don't let people serve me nearly enough, even when they want to. I think that I am guilty of this with Rachel. She is always asking me what she can do and I just say nothing. One thing that I learned as I've been sick is that it makes Rachel happy to do things to help me. I cheat her out of that happiness when I'm selfish with what I will and won't let people help me with. I always know about this part of me, but then I forget so easily. But I'm always reminded when my memory is refreshed as to how weak I am.
I am grateful for the good girl I have that looks after me and makes sure that I am ok. Its one of the best things in my life. I'm ashamed I don't appreciate that aspect of her all the time instead of when I realize just how much she contributes to my well being.
6 comments:
i like this post, i can relate to it. I actually get secretly excited when Matthew's sick becuase i finally feel like i can serve him. It's hard to serve stable men, they hardly ever need anything! You have a keeper!
Rachel does love to serve people, and feel needed. Any time you two start going through a rough time in your relationship, you should fake an illness.
Yeah, fake an illness, or for best results tell me about the time your parents put you in foster care, or just start speaking Espanol. :)
I really did love the First Day of your illness, ya sabes. I'm okay with taking care of you forever. Thanks for letting me do it and thanks for this sweet post!
Wow you two are such a sweet couple! Congrats you two for the happiness you have found!
Look! I'm commenting! Here's the part of Jane Eyre that I was talking about earlier:
"And there was a pleasure in my services, most full, most exquisite, even though sad--because he claimed those services without painful shame or damping humiliation. He loved me so truly, that he knew no reluctance by profiting by my attendance: he felt I loved him so fondly, that to yield that attendance was to indulge my sweetest wishes."
Yes, I can relate every situation somehow to something I read in Jane Eyre. :)
Celeste,
I'm glad that you can relate every situation to Jane Eyre. Either Bronte is a brilliant writer, or you simply have a Jane Eyre filter! I can relate to the quote you put anyway, and I like the story of Jane Eyre. Maybe someday I'll read it instead of just watching more video versions!
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