Between the trees and the pond you put your hand in mine

Thursday May 6 was a bright day! Jonathan and I have done things a little backwards and had our wedding festivities, our first year and most of the rest of our happily married lives all mapped out before we got officially engaged. It was a little awkward to be in medium-to advanced stages of planning and have people ask how he proposed, but at the same time our unconventionality is something I really appreciate in our relationship. It fits both of us. And we fit perfectly with each other. :)

Over Christmas break I had a golden “double-feature” dream that vanquished the ghostly remembrances of wedding nightmares of old. That dream, along with some cheering talks with my sisters and my Father, and being separated from querido Jonnerthan for the first time in months, (que horror!) convinced me of what I’d really known all along. In the early winter we began having sweet talks about maybe and would you? and yes, please! and when? and I wandered through most of winter semester with a sloppy, gleeful smile on my face; my obsession with Jonathan has been like a dopamine-laced blow to the head (lovestruck!). Our tender little plans were like fire to my heart during those cold days and gray mornings. He told me we’d get engaged “soon.” I despaired a little once I realized that his conceptualization of “soon” seemed to be along the lines of the Lord telling Jose Smith that the second coming was “near, even at the doors.” We used to joke that perhaps we would get engaged for our first anniversary. He told me later that he thinks of me as a sunny person and couldn’t bear the thought of asking me to marry him while the earth was still coated in vile winter raiment. Waiting for spring. Although the weather was fickle and treacherous, Jonathan was consistently wonderful and kind.
I had the idea, then, that he was going to ask me outdoors somehow on a sunny day. The week of the great Happening was laden with plans for outdoor adventuring, which Jonathan says he did to throw me off. (The day before we got engaged we had a picnic in the canyon, we were going to go hiking that weekend, etc.) On Thursday morning when he left for work we made general plans to meet somewhere for lunch. He called me and asked me to meet him at Bicentennial Park, which is where we went on our first date (EEEEE!). I had a little blip of suspicion because he didn’t mention anything about picking up food.

Before I stepped out of my room I flipped open my libro de mormon to the chapter we’d read the night before: Mormon testifying of a God of miracles. That was what I wanted on my mind when I went to meet my beloved, because he is a miracle to me and our togetherness is a miracle.

On our first date last fall, we got Jamba Juice and wandered around the swampland, unraveling little pieces of ourselves and our lives. I remember talking about Atlas Shrugged, ethnocentrism, encounters with street kids, the wretched unfairness of the BSW program closing, and hiking with our fathers. I was nervous and self-conscious and wanted very badly for him to like me. I felt squelched between the sensation of wanting to write down everything he was saying, and to explain to him in onerous detail every thought I had ever had in my life. I guess you could say I was a little impressed, a little besotted, and a little manic. Haha!

When I got out of the car at the park and Jonathan came up to hug me, I felt all those feelings wash over me again. Sometimes a particularly acute memory will grip me so tightly that I experience the same emotions I did with the original experience. As we walked out on the boardwalk over the swamp, I told him that: “I feel like I’m here the first time with you again! It’s so weird because I hardly knew you then and now I know you so well!” He said that while waiting for me he’d seen yellow birds playing in the trees. I didn’t believe him. A yellow bird has been a very precious and potent symbol in my life and is now a symbol that Jonathan and I share in our relationship. (You can go here or here to read a little more about that). I’d never seen one IRL before and so I thought he was teasing, trying to be romantic with me.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw what looked like a heap of old clothes laying a few yards away from us. Jonathan saw me looking and asked, “Hey, what is that?” I suggested that maybe someone had gone swimming and left their clothes behind. As we got closer I could see that it was a towel covering a box-like shape. Jonathan kneeled down next to it and carefully pulled off the towel to reveal a birdcage with a beautiful yellow bird inside! My heart just melted! I dropped to my knees to look at him, and Jonathan grabbed both my hands and turned me to face him. He told me that I was the yellow bird in his life and asked me to marry him. I was all shaky with joy and I hugged him hard and said “Yeah!...yes!” It was a really sweet moment for us, and so thoughtful of him to plan something so personal and perfect for me! We couldn’t stop smiling.

A few minutes later we were sitting on a bench beaming at each other and admiring our cute Birdenzie-Deutsch when Jonathan said “Look!” and pointed over to the trees, where some REAL LIVE WILD yellow birds were darting around. I couldn’t believe it! I asked him if he had bought those birds too and then released them just to surprise me, but nay. They were legit, feral yellow birds. I think it was a sign that our engagement is blessed, either by God or by the spirit of Conor Oberst. Regardless, I am so happy! Jonathan is my life now. He is the fulfillment of my deepest wishes, hopes, and dreams. I am still reeling with the sweetness of all of this. We’ve both worked so hard to be together and now he’s going to be my HUSBAND! He truly is the best man I have ever known and I love him with all my heart. I love our life now and planning for our lives together. I know there will be trouble and sorrow up ahead, “but for now we are young/let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see/love to be/in the arms of all I’m keeping here with me.”

So. My tale is told. AUGUST 14, 2010! Is going to be epic, and full of win.