I'm getting married in a MONTH! I had the idea to do a countdown from 50 days and document my thoughts, wedding plans, etc, but who am I kidding. Angst I do not lack, but consistency is not my strong point. This is today:
I feel myself hovering in this bizarre fairy world (see picture), this lovely, torturous in-between time. I'm obsessed with the idea that this delicious summer of being in love will never be again. Sometimes I feel full of faith and courage and ready to run on to better things; other times I feel a deep sense of loss for so many years of our youth that we didn't get to spend with each other. I fret about those lost years. Maybe no one feels that way if they get married when they are 21, but I had so many roads left in my shoes back then and I still wouldn't wish any of them away.
On the days that my heart is right, my life seems so full and rich to me! The other day Jonathan and I read this talk by Elder Hafen, and had such a dear, joyful experience. Relationships are ineffably precious to me...and belonging to someone isn't fearful or stifling as I worried it would be. I want to belong to the ones I love, and I know my best self is the one who will serve them with an open and joyful heart.
2 comments:
I love the honesty in this post. I loved reading that talk with you My Racher. I always want to read/discuss truth with you, as long as I live! It's one of the more rewarding things I have the pleasure of experiencing in this life.
Getting married at 21 doesn't necessarily mean you give up the "roads left in your shoes." It means you travel them together. As getting married at 26- there's a lot of road left to travel.
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