I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now (Sealing)

I need to write about this before time sweeps it farther away, this jewel of memory, this most precious day. Since the floods came up in our basement this summer and destroyed a few of my journals and other dear things I've been bitter about chronically anything in my life, but I need to get better!

The day we got married was absolutely glorious, (which thing was foretold, and which I never ever believed) and it felt just like a door opening. Melanie and Pidwerbecki stayed the night with me and got up in the gray dawn to drive to American Fork. On the way I asked if we could talk about good memories, the times we had been most happy. I kept peering out the window and thinking, I'll never see these things again the same way! It was SO silly. I think the trauma the day before the wedding (being dragged into busy lanes of traffic by the kind man who was towing me, not realizing that my steering wheel was locked) made me more innocent, relieved and humble about everything. I had the squirmy, sickish first-day-of-school feeling in my belly until I stepped into the temple, with tall shoes and tall hair, and my hands were in my beloved's.

And, Oh my love! My darling! Once I was with him I just felt confident and joyous. We re-read "The Waning of Belonging" the day before and I kept thinking, "i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)." We couldn't stop beaming at each other. Jonathan saves his sweetest self for me. I was so happy! It sounds cliche but I did feel like I was floating. I floated around all the other preening brides in the dressing room. I floated around the temple workers who wanted to cut the braided thread out of my hair (oh please!). I floated around that which was less than welcome and all of my anxiety stress doubt floated away, out the windows of the crystal palace and all that remained with me was an open heart.

I remember tottering into the room, clutching Jonathan's hand. There were so many faces in there that I love! My sweet family, my mission president and his wife, my lovely companions (Wells--who counts as a companion--Pidwerbecki and Hna. Katie Christine), dear Celeste, Calie (and it was so sweet to see her in the temple since we were children together!) Hollie and Mario who got there first, my grandparents and aunts and uncles, my beautiful cousin Debbie and her parents and brothers, the Urban Tribe, the people who were seconds away from being my in-laws. And with the morn, those angel faces smile, which I have loved long since and lost awhile!

Our sealing made me feel so visible to God. I had so many fears and so much heartache about this part. I prayed my guts out that it wouldn't be for once a compelling to humiliation, but that it would be lovely and empowering. The first delightful thing that happened was that the man who came up to me in the hall and asked, "Is this the right guy?" was Joseph F. McConkie, son of Bruce R. and more significantly, author of this magnificent discurso that altered the course of my mission and made Hermana Morena a true messenger. I was so amazed! I'd had no idea he was even a sealer, let alone at that particular temple, and to be sealed by a man whose words had so deeply impacted my life and made me a more powerful missionary was SUCH AN INCREDIBLE BLESSING!!! I was so grateful I felt dazed. The second amazing thing was that the words he spoke before he married us were ineffably profound, poignant, and personal. It was exactly the candor and "style," if that word doesn't sound vulgar in this context, that fit us and rang deep into our hearts. I can't speak for Jonathan I guess, but I felt called up to be my best self, to follow Christ and to honor my family and my husband in a way that made me feel absolutely free, adored, and powerful. This may not be significant to all, but his mentioning Heavenly Mother and "your heavenly parents" and saying, "The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob--and of Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel--" meant everything to me. I knew Jonathan was happy and relieved. We kept squeezing each other's hands whenever Brother McConkie said something particularly insightful. It was an incredible sealing. Many people told me later that they had thoughts during it that they considered to be revelation, that they learned a lot from it and one of my aunts referred to it as "meaty." I've written down as much as I can remember from it, and it doesn't seem the best forum to share all of it here. After sharing his counsel, Brother McConkie said, "Okay, let's get you married," and then we knelt at the altar and promised and now Jonathan is my husband! He is mine forever! My constant one, my sweet love. I am so glad to be his wife! I'm so grateful for the God who heard my prayer and kindly honored the wish of my troubled heart.

"here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the roof of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)