Dearest Chai,
I wanted you to know
that even though you had to spend part of your birthday in the car on the way
to Wyoming, and even though I popped your balloon accidentally, and then you
crawled all over the restaurant like a goon and during Jordan’s birthday quiz you
kept climbing into the TV so we had to put you in baby prison, tonight was so
wonderful with you. You gave Aunt Laurel desperate kisses through the mesh of
your play pen. You were happy when Jordan built the fire and you loved watching
it and warming your little hands and feet.
When we were in the living room
everyone kept calling you to walk to them and everyone was so charmed by you. You
are so happy and funny and friendly, everyone wants to hold you and play with
you. Then you made the same face your daddy makes, with the puffed out lips,
and of course everyone freaked out and had Daddy go over and make the face next
to you so we could see how much you looked alike, and it made everyone so
happy.
You were so excited about the glow sticks and Frisbee. You were laughing
and kept trying to pull the glowsticks off my neck and out of my hair. I took
you outside even though it was cold to watch everyone play and your dad made
you a Rambo arm band out of glow sticks. Uncle Brian kept coming over to kiss
you and yelling that he loved you. You were exhilarated and you screeched and
squealed and babbled while the glowing figures danced and tossed the Frisbee. (Daddy
was especially adept and he promised he would teach me how to throw later. He
kept giving both of us kisses in the dark). It was exciting. There is something
about going out in the dark covered in things that make you shine and moving
around under the stars. I know you felt alive. You will have so many more
birthdays, and you won’t remember this one, but I wanted you to know how you
spent it—with friends and family and people who loved you, with high spirits
and warm hearts. All the other kids had been sent to bed but you, since you are
not our regularly scheduled baby, you stayed up and got to play until your ears
got too cold. Then I took you upstairs to the blue room and we cuddled up on
the bed I made you on the floor and I nursed you till you fell asleep and you
warmed your hands on my skin. This was your first birthday. I love you so very
much.
