As I Walked out One Evening
by W. H. Auden
As I walked out one evening,
Walking down Bristol Street,
The crowds upon the pavement
Were fields of harvest wheat.
And down by the brimming river
I heard a lover sing
Under an arch of the railway:
"Love has no ending.
"I'll love you, dear, I'll love you
Till China and Africa meet
And the river jumps over the mountain
And the salmon sing in the street.
"I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
Like geese about the sky.
"The years shall run like rabbits
For in my arms I hold
The Flower of the Ages
And the first love of the world."
But all the clocks in the city
Began to whirr and chime:
"O let not Time deceive you,
You cannot conquer Time.
"In the burrows of the Nightmare
Where Justice naked is,
Time watches from the shadow
And coughs when you would kiss.
"In headaches and in worry
Vaguely life leaks away,
And Time will have his fancy
To-morrow or to-day.
"Into many a green valley
Drifts the appalling snow;
Time breaks the threaded dances
And the diver's brilliant bow.
"O plunge your hands in water,
Plunge them in up to the wrist;
Stare, stare in the basin
And wonder what you've missed.
"The glacier knocks in the cupboard,
The desert sighs in the bed,
And the crack in the tea-cup opens
A lane to the land of the dead.
"Where the beggars raffle the banknotes
And the Giant is enchanting to Jack,
And the Lily-white Boy is a Roarer
And Jill goes down on her back.
"O look, look in the mirror,
O look in your distress;
Life remains a blessing
Although you cannot bless.
"O stand, stand at the window
As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
With your crooked heart."
It was late, late in the evening,
The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming
And the deep river ran on.
This poem has made me "insane with love" to borrow a phrase from a long-ago journal of a long-ago Jonny Strange. It's stunningly depressing how preoccupied my mind is with aging lately. Guaranteed to make those little rabbits scamper even faster. I'm all about foreboding joy, but I am also beholding my little ones. Chai is so funny and sweet pounding on the drum I gave him for Christmas. I want to drink him in, his sweet smelling hair, his little "Hmms" for yes, his "Are ya comin' downstairs with me?" Sparrow stalked and toddled around the living room while we opened "sibling gifts" and felt all fancy with her jingle bell bracelet. She has warmed up to the Ogden folk but is still a huge sassy pants and stamps and shakes and howls all the time. We watched Emily's GOTH for my mother, a slideshow of all the pictures ever taken in all our lives. What a weird world, where I can still see the Peckerbeak shadow on the ceiling as I drift off in this ice cave. I asked Sparrow if she loved me and she nodded. I am so grateful for my sweet goons. For the work of listening with a kind heart. For having a social life, however humble. For having someone to dream sweet dreams about.
by W. H. Auden
As I walked out one evening,
Walking down Bristol Street,
The crowds upon the pavement
Were fields of harvest wheat.
And down by the brimming river
I heard a lover sing
Under an arch of the railway:
"Love has no ending.
"I'll love you, dear, I'll love you
Till China and Africa meet
And the river jumps over the mountain
And the salmon sing in the street.
"I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
Like geese about the sky.
"The years shall run like rabbits
For in my arms I hold
The Flower of the Ages
And the first love of the world."
But all the clocks in the city
Began to whirr and chime:
"O let not Time deceive you,
You cannot conquer Time.
"In the burrows of the Nightmare
Where Justice naked is,
Time watches from the shadow
And coughs when you would kiss.
"In headaches and in worry
Vaguely life leaks away,
And Time will have his fancy
To-morrow or to-day.
"Into many a green valley
Drifts the appalling snow;
Time breaks the threaded dances
And the diver's brilliant bow.
"O plunge your hands in water,
Plunge them in up to the wrist;
Stare, stare in the basin
And wonder what you've missed.
"The glacier knocks in the cupboard,
The desert sighs in the bed,
And the crack in the tea-cup opens
A lane to the land of the dead.
"Where the beggars raffle the banknotes
And the Giant is enchanting to Jack,
And the Lily-white Boy is a Roarer
And Jill goes down on her back.
"O look, look in the mirror,
O look in your distress;
Life remains a blessing
Although you cannot bless.
"O stand, stand at the window
As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
With your crooked heart."
It was late, late in the evening,
The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming
And the deep river ran on.
This poem has made me "insane with love" to borrow a phrase from a long-ago journal of a long-ago Jonny Strange. It's stunningly depressing how preoccupied my mind is with aging lately. Guaranteed to make those little rabbits scamper even faster. I'm all about foreboding joy, but I am also beholding my little ones. Chai is so funny and sweet pounding on the drum I gave him for Christmas. I want to drink him in, his sweet smelling hair, his little "Hmms" for yes, his "Are ya comin' downstairs with me?" Sparrow stalked and toddled around the living room while we opened "sibling gifts" and felt all fancy with her jingle bell bracelet. She has warmed up to the Ogden folk but is still a huge sassy pants and stamps and shakes and howls all the time. We watched Emily's GOTH for my mother, a slideshow of all the pictures ever taken in all our lives. What a weird world, where I can still see the Peckerbeak shadow on the ceiling as I drift off in this ice cave. I asked Sparrow if she loved me and she nodded. I am so grateful for my sweet goons. For the work of listening with a kind heart. For having a social life, however humble. For having someone to dream sweet dreams about.
