Thursday, June 7, 2012

Wide as the ring of a bell

Dearest Chai,

I wanted you to know that even though you had to spend part of your birthday in the car on the way to Wyoming, and even though I popped your balloon accidentally, and then you crawled all over the restaurant like a goon and during Jordan’s birthday quiz you kept climbing into the TV so we had to put you in baby prison, tonight was so wonderful with you. You gave Aunt Laurel desperate kisses through the mesh of your play pen. You were happy when Jordan built the fire and you loved watching it and warming your little hands and feet. 

When we were in the living room everyone kept calling you to walk to them and everyone was so charmed by you. You are so happy and funny and friendly, everyone wants to hold you and play with you. Then you made the same face your daddy makes, with the puffed out lips, and of course everyone freaked out and had Daddy go over and make the face next to you so we could see how much you looked alike, and it made everyone so happy. 

You were so excited about the glow sticks and Frisbee. You were laughing and kept trying to pull the glowsticks off my neck and out of my hair. I took you outside even though it was cold to watch everyone play and your dad made you a Rambo arm band out of glow sticks. Uncle Brian kept coming over to kiss you and yelling that he loved you. You were exhilarated and you screeched and squealed and babbled while the glowing figures danced and tossed the Frisbee. (Daddy was especially adept and he promised he would teach me how to throw later. He kept giving both of us kisses in the dark). It was exciting. There is something about going out in the dark covered in things that make you shine and moving around under the stars. I know you felt alive. You will have so many more birthdays, and you won’t remember this one, but I wanted you to know how you spent it—with friends and family and people who loved you, with high spirits and warm hearts. All the other kids had been sent to bed but you, since you are not our regularly scheduled baby, you stayed up and got to play until your ears got too cold. Then I took you upstairs to the blue room and we cuddled up on the bed I made you on the floor and I nursed you till you fell asleep and you warmed your hands on my skin. This was your first birthday. I love you so very much.

While I was holding you there in the dark field with the grass swishing and the stars staring down at us, I wondered where Alex was. Today was his last day, your first year mark. For desert tonight David got a cake and had them bring 3 candles, one for you, one for Jordan (his birthday is the day after yours) and one for Alex. I will hold you as close as I can for as many years as I can, baby.