Remember how I look at you like this all the time?
Today has been one year since the glorious day! I am still so in love with him…still hoping he will like me, so thrilled when I make him laugh. I live off “How dare you”s and “Don’t sass me"s. Jonathan planned a cluster frak of sweet surprises for today! After church (cough sacrament out in the hall in the random ward) we drove up Hobblecreek canyon—which was EXPLODING WITH SUMMERTIME GORGEOUSNESS. I love that canyon and I love those mountains! I have such positive connections with them because of my beloved. He said we were going to be re-creating memories, and he’d brought our picnic blanket and a thermos of hot chocolate to re-create our tea date, which happened at the same park in Jolley’s Ranch. It was so fun and lovely and I started actually feeling jittery, just like I did on our real date. That was the one that turned the tide for me…actually it was more like getting drenched in a tidal wave of hope and the realization that something so good existed that I hadn't even been clever enough to wish for--and mejor, that I could be happy. Later that day (the day of the tea date in fall 2009) I wrote to him from my Dr. Roper's class: The more I listen to you the cooler I think you are. In research methods we call this a positive correlation. The rest of the day we spent re-creating our honeymoon…with delicious food, ice cream, Battlestar and S (all the parts of the D.R we had at our disposal in Springville)! It was wonderful. We cuddled on the couch and laughed and goofed off and I know we do that every day, but it really did feel like a celebration today. Chai obligingly slept the whole time except for the picnic, during which he giggled adorably on the blanket as we loved on him.
We talked about the day we got married and how blindingly happy we were, how beautiful this year has been. I can see us laughing together, me chasing him around the Commune after he confiscated my skittles, crying heartsick over family stuff, him letting me listen to his heartbeat when I was freaking out at first about therapy, beaming at each other over feeling little Chai's insistent kicking when he was still a dentro, talking our souls inside out, him telling me he was proud of me after graduation, thousands of entangled inside jokes we couldn't explain to anyone, Jonpardy at his birthday party, our Les Miserables game, driving to Wyoming, sweet words like promises and a million fresh second chances I've needed a million times and he's needed about twice. I'm cognizant as I write this of how obnoxious and gushy I must seem, but I can't see it any other way. I've known sorrow in my life, I've been bitter and wounded and lonely, so I appreciate how whole this feels, to have a friend, confidant and kind companion in all I do. I hope I'm that for him as well. I'm still not convinced that marriage itself is awesomeness inherent, but I know my husband is. There is so much I could say about him and how good he is. He has all my admiration, all my heart. I hope he knows that.
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